The practical magic of WAIT – "Why Am I Talking?"

What is WAIT?

WAIT is a filter that encourages us to pause and assess before contributing to a conversation. WAIT offers two major benefits. The first is a deeper understanding of yourself and others. And the second is that it encourages you to evaluate the effectiveness of your communication. It can act as a way to navigate getting your needs met and/or meeting your goals in a way that does not cause major stress in your interpersonal relationships.

Without examining our intentions, the invisible magic of our subconscious gets to run wild. And while we know this happens a lot of the time anyway, the ideal is to have at least a small amount of awareness about what we might secretly be trying to achieve… so you can check with yourself that this is what you really want.

Take a moment now. Can you recall a recent conversation where you might have benefited from WAIT?

The Magic of WAIT

1. It encourages active listening. By pausing before you speak, you can focus more on truly hearing what others are saying rather than preparing your own response. (I know, we’ve all done it!).

2. It reduces over talking. It prevents unnecessary contributions, allowing conversations to be more efficient and balanced. I mean, not all conversations need to have ‘efficiency’ as a goal. But balance is often important. So often, I hear complaints about interpersonal experiences that are along the lines of ‘they only talk about themselves’ or ‘I couldn’t get a word in edgewise’.

3. WAIT Improves clarity and impact. It ensures that when you do speak, your words are more intentional, relevant, and effective.

4. It Enhances emotional intelligence. WAIT encourages self-awareness and reflection, which can lead to more thoughtful and emotionally intelligent communication. Other people feel that.

5. Finally, it strengthens relationships. All of the above leads to a strengthening of relationships. WAIT creates space for others to speak, fostering deeper connections and mutual respect. There are many proverbs about keeping one's mouth shut! But they don’t quite carry the sentiment I am trying to get across - e.g. ‘God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason.’ But I am sure you get the gist!

How to practice WAIT

Step 1 - Get curious about your intentions

The first step is to start trying to understand your own intentions. Here are some useful questions you can use to dive deeper into why you are about to talk:

Is my need to talk an attempt to divert the attention to me?
What is motivating my urge to talk?
Am I talking to fill space or to hear my own voice?
What is the intention behind what I am about to say?

Step 2 - Fine-tune your words

Once you are more aware of your intentions, you can move into the space of aiming to be effective when you do choose to speak. Use these questions to help you refine your thinking around if/what to communicate next:

Am I speaking to clarify, support, or move the conversation forward?
Is what I'm about to say adding value?
What question can I ask that would help me better understand what the other person is saying?
Would silence be more effective right now?
How might I become more comfortable with silence?